As Juicy as They Come -Your spouse is addicted to mangoes—that slurping sound drives you wild and makes you want to kill.
As always, the alarm went off right on time, while the young slim blonde struggled to come to her senses.
Another late night, and another restless sleep. How much longer? Lisa slapped Brett as she begrudgingly climbed out of her warm side of the bed. Never ceases to amaze me she muttered as she staggered blindly to their bathroom. As she fumbled for the bathroom light, she felt a cold squishy feeling under her foot. This woke her immediately! There, on her lovely new imported Persian rug, laid the remnants of another mango!
Oh for God’s sake Brett! Lisa shouted, waking Brett from his dream, apparently one he was happy to continue on with….What?? Before he had a chance for a reply he was wearing it! Lisa argued with him over the mess it had made, screaming that if it wasn’t bad enough that he seemed to live on this fruit but NOW, it was on her lovely new rug! Full of apologies Brett walked over and scraped its remains before Lisa could say one more word. Yes, he loved his mangoes, but according to his lovely fiancée of 3 years, he had become quite obsessed with them.
Yeah hon, you have first shower, I’ll get breakfast ready eh? he had hoped for a smile but got only a grunt as she shut the door behind her.
Their snazzy 2 bedroom apartment was settled in the nicest part of the city, not too close to the CBD but close enough that they could walk to if they needed. They had haggled with the real estate months earlier for the unit facing north. Their views were magnificent and on a good day, if smog was at a minimum they were able to see the top of the Sydney Tower. Lisa had placed their application amongst so many others, and never really expected they would be approved. This was their dream home! Of a night, after a long hard day in the office she would step onto the cedar timbered decking which went from the front of their bedroom, directly around to the living room where the balcony stopped.
When developers bought the land, they invited all those of the local council constituents to view their final plans. The architect had designed 3 others around the area and Lisa’s position at work gave her the liberty of seeing these kind of plans first hand! For too long her position as head of sales in one of the finer boutiques in town had worn thin…it was time for a change so she shifted gear and reluctantly took a leap of faith with a job in her local council chambers.
This meant longer hours than she was use to but within the first year, Lisa had firmly planted a grand impression with her peers and was quickly promoted to Case Manager! The role was demanding but the money was well worth every extra late shift. The moment word got out of the town planner’s new ideas and designs, Lisa wanted a piece of the action. Both Brett and Lisa attended the meeting at their local library for the unveiling and Lisa noted each important detail of the lavish riverside block-They were magnificent and she was already visualising herself, propped up on an outdoor chair, umbrella shading her delicate peachy cream skin and sipping on a cool vodka/lime/lemon beverage whilst soaking up the view! Yes indeedy! she grinned
Brett’s eyes were on the recreational side of things…the gym, tennis court and the pool! Yep, to land yourself a unit here meant you were doing okay. As soon as the call came through at work of their successful application, both decided to celebrate.
Brett stopped by Lisa’s office block on his way home from his daily slog at the abattoirs, fresh from showering and full of smiles! Lisa rode the lift all the way down with the same cheesy grin and almost bounced out onto the pavement as the doors slid open. Where to? she asked him Brett had chosen a simple but rather cosmopolitan styled restaurant which offered a variety of delicacies from assorted countries. As the pair entered through the swinging bar doors, they seated themselves over by the decorative pond, as close to the back as possible. The waitress took their orders for drinks before they strolled over to the buffet bar. What an assortment! You know what Brett, the salad bar looks wild, I might go for something from there!
Their plates were soon choco block with everything from crab claws, calamari, prawns and fish cocktails…then came the salad! It took another 2 plates to bring all they’d desired, Lisa laughing as they struggled to balance their plates without dropping anything. Brett had gone more for the fruit this night, remarking repeatedly on the wonders of their mangoes! Lisa was becoming slightly agitated.
Ok ok..so you like the mango, gees! she muttered under her breath.
Brett’s obvious delight to this fruit had suddenly become quite noticeable to other guests as he sucked and slurped his way through a mango dessert!
Mmmmmm…oh Lisa hon you ought taste THIS! the juices dribbling down the side of his mouth which then appeared to form a river that poured off his chin!
BRETT! Can you cut that disgusting noise out please???? People are staring at us!
He had no sooner finished his platter that he was eyeballing the buffet once more.
Lisa sat with her bowl of fruit salad, stabbing her fork into each piece of pineapple as she watched him making his way back to the buffet. He went straight for the mangoes! Other customers were moving away in search of something else…something that, well, didn’t appear to be so messy?? The white linen table cloth which adorned Lisa’s table was turning into some kind of abstract piece of artwork and there was little room left to rest her hands without being soaked in mango juice! Again, Brett showed his pleasure and absolute delight for his new found love….he sucked, slurped, slobbered and almost spat mango as he tried to describe its wonder to his now violently wild eyed partner.
You know what Brett? I am leaving! I cannot stand to sit here for another putrid round of your gross animal like behaviour! And she stood up, snatching her purse and made her way to the cashier counter. Realising he’d upset her, Brett was quick to follow her, copping plenty of sneers from others along the way. One lady actually snarled at him and made her own rude gesture back at him. That poor girl, the last words he heard.
That had caused quite a scene between them as they walked back to Brett’s car but he just couldn’t quite get what the problem was?
So, not to upset Lisa any further, he apologised and it was soon forgotten.
Until that morning she stepped in the squishy remains on her lovely brand new Persian rug! As Brett continued preparing their breakfast, Lisa was preparing for work. How’s it coming out there??? She shouted
To her surprise, she came out to find he had set the outdoor table for them.
It was a beautiful day, the sun had only just pleasantly warmed the balcony and the air was crisp. A nice jug of freshly squeezed orange juice sat placed centre of the table, with two ceramic bowls and matching jug for the milk, fresh toast, butter and jam.
A serviette placed beneath Lisa’s cutlery, a chilled tumbler and an enticing bowl of fresh fruit. What more could anyone ask for to start their day??
What, no coffee? she joked…Brett then wheeled in the breakfast trolley which he’d carefully laid out 2 placemats, cups and saucers, a bowl of sugar and a fresh brewed pot of Lisa’s favourite blend of beans. Again, she smiled with admiration.
Lisa had just finished complimenting Brett on his fine service, when to her horror, he plucked a mango from the bottom of the fruit bowl! Lisa’s jaw dropped!
Not to have this gorgeous morning ruined, Lisa shook off her jitters and asked if Brett could pass her a slice of toast before it went cold. And then it happened.
With one loud slurp, he had taken his first bite of the mango, immediately turning her off breakfast and sending her into a complete spin!
Pushing herself away from the table, Lisa took one step back.
That’s IT! You HAD to ruin the moment didn’t you?! Her eyes reflected flames of a fire that exploded out of nowhere, and yet seemed as though they must have been smouldering for sometime. Her absolute rage had spilled over onto the rest of what was to be a lovely breakfast and within the blink of a second, Lisa found the very mango Brett had been sucking on in her hand, forcing it further into his gob-smacked mouth! Is this what you want, huh, is it??? THEN HERE, EAT IT ALL! Shocked by her iwn strength, she was out of control and as she continued to plunge the fruit and all its juice down his throat, she hadn’t realised just how far she was actually going……..one more push, and he fell…….five floors straight down to the ground, taking the last mango with him as he went!
By Debbie Stevens 2006